God's words to me in the desert, "Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified;
do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you
wherever you go" (Joshua 1:9).
If I were caught up on my daily Bible readings, I wouldn’t have encountered today’s passage from Psalm 66:1-15. (I should have read this more than a week ago.) But because I am behind, I read verses about praising God and telling others of all he has done for me. It was exactly what I needed. Instead of dwelling in the land of no motivation, no energy, no enthusiasm, and a whole bunch of other negatives, I was reminded again this morning that the key to unlocking the door of this cruel prison that has ensnared me is to focus not on cancer (nor on yet another gray, rainy day) but on praising God for who he is.
The accompanying devotional piece was not lengthy—only five very short paragraphs—but they packed a tremendously powerful punch at the very place where my heart struggles more than I wish: fear, doubt, and negativity. The writer told of an evangelistic meeting in Ireland where the speaker was explaining about abiding in Christ and trusting him completely and unconditionally, no matter the circumstance. My reading speed slowed immediately so that I could drink deeply of the words I needed as much as a thirsty, exhausted traveler craves water in the desert. I was especially drawn to the speaker’s concluding thought in his message about how abiding and trusting in Jesus “means that in every circumstance you can keep on saying, ‘For this I have Jesus.’”
Some people think seeking Jesus in difficult times means that they themselves are weak. (And who likes to be weak and vulnerable?) But Jesus tried to correct such a mistaken idea by saying, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick” (Matthew 9:12). In other words, when we recognize and admit our sickness—physical, emotional, and/or spiritual—we are blessed because we know where we can find help. Reassured and comforted, our hearts resound, “For this I have Jesus.”
In my case, I am coughing (again), running a fever daily (I’m so thankful for my friend who brought me 1,500 tablets of Ibuprofen from the States), lagging in energy and “get up and go” (as my mother would say), and generally feeling quite distant from the me I used to know and be. I’m also waiting on delivery of my new anti-cancer drug, Afinitor, debuting this month in Japan. I’m in my third week between drugs, and I’ve never been good at waiting for anything, especially something that has “life or death” written into the equation. It’s hard to keep my thoughts from running ahead of what I know (I need this new medicine and I’ll get it on April 20) and what I only conjecture whenever I feel a small twinge of pain (cancer is taking over my body).
But in all of this I remember, “For this I have Jesus.” And I rejoice in God’s faithfulness in the midst of this now one-year-old cancer journey. How could I walk it alone? I'm so grateful that I don’t have to.
