Arguing with God

Hanajima-san, our Japanese mother

“I have to tell you that I’ve been doing a lot of arguing with God,” kimono-clad Hanajima-san told me at the airport on Tuesday. Although mostly confined to a wheelchair, she was insistent that her son drive her husband and her to the airport so that she could see us off to the United States for our consultations at M. D. Anderson Cancer Center.

“What have you been arguing with God about?” I asked, chuckling at the image of this diminutive Japanese woman shaking her fist at God.

“About you,” she answered immediately. “I just don’t understand why my prayers for you aren’t being answered and why you have to suffer so much.”

Although I assured her that I’m not suffering, just extremely fatigued, and reminded her that whatever God allows, he allows from a heart of love for his children, this faithful Christian woman for more than 50 years wore skepticism on her face as if it were the white powdery makeup Japanese are most fond of wearing.

Perhaps this woman I call my Japanese mother will have more words with God after she gets this update:

1)Surgery is no longer an option because my cancer is now in a progressive state. A cancerous tumor (though small) is now evident on my remaining right kidney;
2)Three drug therapies that have shown the most promise with renal cell carcinoma (RCC) have failed for me in the past year, leaving fewer and fewer treatment options. Dr. Tannir, my main oncologist, now recommends an experimental combination of two cancer drugs (one oral and one administered by IV) that have shown some success (10%) in controlling and shrinking RCC. Two of his patients have even gone into remission with this combo chemo treatment. A two-month regimen will be enough time to determine whether this works for me; and,
3)Bernie and I have decided that I will remain in the U.S. for this two-month period and the follow-up checks at M. D. Anderson in early January. I will take treatment in Anderson and stay at my parents’ house while Bernie returns to Japan until Christmas.

Needless to say, we need your prayers now as much as ever. Pray especially that the new treatment will stop the cancer growth, shrink the tumors, and send the cancer into remission. Secondly, please pray that through all of this, God’s glory will be shown and we will continue to have opportunities to testify to his love, mercy, and power both in Japan and the United States. (We were encouraged that Dr. Tannir continued to affirm our calling as missionaries in Japan.)

By the way, as uncharacteristic as it seems for me—one who has never been reticent about arguing what I think is a valid point—I am not arguing with God. Disappointed with the news? Of course I am. But I cling to God’s words of promise written in Jeremiah 29:11: “For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” They were true before this visit to M. D. Anderson and they are true today as well.

New Every Morning

Tamagawa Church of God, where we serve as interim pastors

God’s faithfulness . . .
“Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, ‘The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him’” (Lamentations 3:22-24, NIV).

We dedicate this newsletter to praising God for his faithfulness. While we cannot even begin to enumerate all the ways we see God’s faithfulness—indeed, every new morning brings testimony to our faithful God—we want to share three places where we have most experienced this during the past month.

. . . At Tamagawa Seigakuin
September was an exciting and busy month of celebrating God’s faithfulness for 60 years at Tamagawa Seigakuin, the girls’ junior/senior high school where Bernie is headmaster. Since 1950, the school has graduated some 10,450 young women and has developed a wonderful reputation for being not only a school that is strong academically, but more importantly, for being a school that has remained faithful to its Christian mission. Special activities to mark the 60th anniversary included the commissioning of a song by a well-known Japanese-Korean singer/song writer that was featured on a CD of the Tama Sei choir produced by the school. Even more noteworthy about this CD is the fact that the majority of its numbers were composed by second year Tama Sei high school girls as a part of their music classes. (They chose words from the Bible, especially Psalms, and set these to their own musical compositions.)

Other special activities during September included the annual two-day school festival, a kind of homecoming-like event that welcomed well over 6,000 visitors to sample special presentations of Tama Sei’s music (vocal choir, band, hand bell choir, guitar/mandolin club, signing/praise team), sports (including kendo, traditional Japanese fencing with bamboo poles), and many examples of the arts (modern dance, calligraphy, flower arranging, and tea ceremony). Each of the month-long celebratory events was an opportunity to praise God for his faithfulness over 60 years at Tamagawa Seigakuin.

. . . At Tamagawa Church
Just up the street from the school is Tamagawa Church of God, where Bernie and Cheryl are interim pastors. This church began in classrooms of Tamagawa Seigakuin, shortly after the founding of the school. Then, 57 years ago, it moved into its own building at the present location. It was a joy to celebrate God’s faithfulness during these years in a special anniversary worship service. This was combined with honoring the congregation’s senior members in a “Silver Day” observance the day before a national holiday to recognize the same. (“Silvers,” as they are called in Japan, comprise a significant part of Japan’s population. In 2009, more than 22% of the population was at least 65 years old. Estimates are that 25% of the population will be “silver” by 2014.)

. . . In our personal lives
What a roller coaster we are riding on this cancer journey! In our last newsletter, we reported from a “high,” praising God for his faithfulness as Cheryl’s health was the best it had been in a long time. This month we are still praising God for his faithfulness, but we seem to be on the “down” side of the roller coaster. The stomach-wrenching feelings are all too real and, frankly, not particularly welcome.

In early September, after fatigue suddenly returned (accompanied by low grade fever, pain, and coughing), we decided to request a CT scan in Japan to help determine whether we should return to M.D. Anderson Cancer Center earlier than our scheduled November appointments. Scan results on October 5 did indeed support a change in plans. The main tumor is growing, albeit slowly, and there are now suspicious spots on her right kidney and liver that could be cancer metastasis, although the doctor only questioned this possibility. As a result, we will be traveling to Houston on October 19 and have tests and consultations on October 20-21. Needless to say, we ask your prayers for wisdom for the doctors and for us. Of course, we also continue to pray for complete healing for Cheryl.

Despite CT scan results that were less than favorable, we affirm what Cheryl wrote in early September as she looked back on one year since her cancer had recurred:

God is worthy of praise. Always. Forever. No matter what CT scans and blood tests show and doctors proclaim. No matter how I feel. No matter what. None of these change or challenge the always faithful, always powerful, always in control God. So I join the Old Testament prophet Habakkuk to proclaim, “Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior” (3:17-18).

Thank you for joining us in praying AND in praising our faithful God,

Good News

We're smiling, along with our granddaughter, Hosanna.

“He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart” (Isaiah 40:11).

How we sense we are being carried close to the heart of God! Even before we’d sent out all the updates from Cheryl’s CT scan results on October 5, God was answering the prayers we’d requested be lifted up—so much so that we had to update the update and revise the prayer requests along the way.

Here is the good news about how God is already answering prayers:

1) M. D. Anderson moved up our appointments from November to October 20-21;
2) We were able to get airplane reservations for October 19;
3) Without Bernie’s asking, the executive committee of Tamagawa Seigakuin told Bernie that they would cover for him to be gone until November 5, excusing him not only from the day-to-day but also from rushing back for a scheduled trip to Korea during the last week of October;
4) Just this morning, Cheryl was able to get her ticket upgraded to business class with miles, making the long return flight much easier on her physically;
5) A pastor called last night and offered to drive us to the airport on October 19. This means we’ll not have to navigate two-three hours of stairs, trains, changes, and walking with our suitcases from our local station to Narita Airport; and,
6) We have been overwhelmed by the outpouring of e-mails and phone calls (some from people we don’t even know) that assure us of God’s wonderful care for us through his people, the church.

As you continue praying for Cheryl’s healing, please also pray for consultations with the surgeon on October 20 and the kidney oncologist on October 21. Pray especially for their wisdom and ours at this time. While we don’t know whether surgery is still an option or even the best way to respond to the current situation, we feel that we’ve come to the crux time in Cheryl’s treatment. And, if not surgery, how should we proceed from here? We desire most to experience God’s guiding hand in all decisions that will be made.

Of course, we also desire for Cheryl to be able to return to Japan as soon as possible. There is still so much to accomplish in this country that has been our home and mission field for 30+ years. Our prayer is that God is glorified in Japan through us and even through our cancer journey. Thank you for joining us in the battle through your fervent and believing prayers.

The Latest Update on Cheryl

The roller coaster ride continues. Mind you, I’ve never been a fan of roller coasters.

Bernie and I met with the doctor today to hear the results of a CT scan I had on October 1. Considering how I’ve been feeling for the past three weeks or so, I wasn’t surprised with this news:

1) The main tumor continues to grow, albeit slowly;
2) A lesion in the right kidney that has been unchanged for years has grown somewhat;
3) Something has appeared in my liver but the radiologist cannot say what, although metastasis is a possibility; and,
4) My doctor says my cancer is now in a “progressive” situation (which he called serious) and he is urging me to go the States as soon as possible.

As you continue to pray for my healing, here are a few other specific prayer requests:

1) That M.D. Anderson Cancer Clinic will be willing to move up my scheduled appointments from November 8-10 to sometime in the next two weeks;
2) That we will be able to make all the necessary arrangements to enable us to go quickly;
3) That our going will not cause great trouble for those who will have to cover for us at Tamagawa Seigakuin, Tamagawa Church, and in other areas of our responsibilities here in Japan; and,
4) That the doctors will have wisdom in knowing what course of treatment should be followed at this point.

Despite CT scan results that were less than favorable, we affirm what I wrote one month ago as I looked back on one year since my cancer had recurred:

God is worthy of praise. Always. Forever. No matter what CT scans and blood tests show and doctors proclaim. No matter how I feel. No matter what. None of these change or challenge the always faithful, always powerful, always in control God. So I join the Old Testament prophet Habakkuk to proclaim, “Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior” (3:17-18).

Please join us in praying AND in praising our faithful God.