The Stray Notebook

“Jesus is always with you, always Jesus is with you.”

The words were printed in a child’s script and encased within the skeletal body of a fish—a large, hand-drawn fish swimming across the page of notebook paper. Perhaps this was the whale that had swallowed Jonah in the Old Testament?

In any case, that was the scene I imagined when I read the words, “Always Jesus is with you.” And I added the thought: even if you happened to find yourself in the belly of a whale. What encouragement it must have been to a cold, wet, smelly, reprimanded Jonah who was intent on running away from God and his perfect plan for Jonah’s life. What an encouragement to me as well, waking up groggily after a night that was less than satisfactory: I was not alone. It was the message I most needed.

Who had left my cheery reminder to greet me that morning? To my surprise, as I looked through the orange notebook, I realized that what I’d found while looking for some scrap paper was more than 30 years old. Even more interesting, it had belonged to my sister-in-law. (It had been a university physics class notebook for her.) A little girl named Tabitha had found it in one of the apartments missionaries share when they are visiting their supporting churches across the United States, and it had become hers for doodling, drawing, and otherwise reminding herself of life’s important lessons. Tabitha didn’t quote the Bible word for word, but the message from the Lord was indeed the same: “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.’ So we say with confidence, ‘The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid’” (Hebrews 12:5-6, NIV).

It is the message I need every day as I move through three-to-four weeks of daily radiation treatments (Monday to Friday) and continue traveling the cancer journey. I am being supported by the Lord as he works through a stray notebook, friends, family, and many people I don’t even know to bring me encouragement and the reminder that Jesus is always with me.

Obviously children can grasp and believe this vital message without difficulty. My prayer is that I, too, may have the innocent heart of a child to believe that God is walking with me and guiding me, and that he will never leave or abandon me, no matter where he leads. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

The Battle Is Not Yours

Bernie and Cheryl (front row, far left)

and most of the rest of their family, January 2011:

more Bartons, Johnsons, and especially Little Ben and Hosanna Lyngdoh.

Words of encouragement, uplifting
“Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God’s . . . . You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the Lord will give you. . . . Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out and face them tomorrow, and the Lord will be with you” (2 Chronicles 20:15, 17, NIV).

Health updates
We apologize for the long silence between this newsletter and the last one (December 2010). Much has been happening in these couple of months, although we’ve not managed to keep you updated on the cancer journey that has occupied so much of our time, prayers, and energy. Among these:

►Bernie spent November and December in Japan, successfully completing many different assignments at Tamagawa Seigakuin and Tamagawa Church, both in Tokyo. Additionally, he had the joy of baptizing a new Christian sister, Mizutani-san, at Tarumi Church, in Kobe. He arrived back in the States on Christmas Day—a wonderful Christmas gift for Cheryl after their two months’ separation;

►Bernie and Cheryl celebrated their 35th wedding anniversary on January 10. Also, it was a joy to join Little Ben in celebrating his third birthday, January 30, since Donald and Stephanie Lyngdoh, our daughter and son-in-law, were granted some time off from their work to spend with Bernie and Cheryl in Anderson. What a blessing for us! We’re also grateful for other family visits, including Big Ben’s, for one week;

►We’ve completed 10 radiation sessions in Anderson to try to arrest the growth of the tumor. (Note that in November we made the somewhat difficult decision to stop medical care at M. D. Anderson Cancer Center in Houston, Texas, in order to seek further treatment here in Anderson where our mission offices are located and family is nearby). We continue to look to the Lord for his miraculous intervention in Cheryl’s physical body through radiation and other cancer treatments, some of which are experimental; and,

►We’re anticipating another round of CT scans and other tests at the end of January and early February. We are trusting God’s goodness and know that the path he chooses is always the right and loving one. Please pray with us that we will see miracles.

In the midst of sometimes feeling overwhelmed by the size of “this vast army” that faces us (cancer), there is so much for which to be grateful. Among other things, pain levels are being managed better and better and that is resulting in many more “good” days than otherwise. This is a major answer to prayer. However, the road ahead is still long and the battle still arduous. Please pray for us to remember that the battle is not ours, but the Lord’s. Pray that we will be able to keep our eyes upon the Lord as we journey.

Looking ahead on the journey
Here are some specific ways you can pray with and for us on the journey:

►Bernie and Cheryl had expected to return to Japan by the end of January, but this has been postponed, creating some challenges for Tamagawa Seigakuin and Tamagawa Church, not to mention our associate pastor, Fujiwara-sensei. Please pray for all of these to be resolved in a timely fashion that will cause the least amount of disruption and concern;

►Cheryl continues working on two books: Our Hearts Burning, the 15th international testimonies book she has compiled and edited; and Steady Till Sunset, a daily devotional book, the second one she has written to encourage Christians to walk faithfully in their daily lives. Please pray that God will supply the physical needs (especially a clear head in order to think and write) so she can complete these two projects;

►With health questions still “up in the air,” there is so much still that seems to be on hold. Please do pray for us to know the Lord’s guidance as we make decisions about our future.

►Please pray for us to be able to return to Japan as quickly as possible.

Merry Christmas

Several years ago, while on a writing assignment in Chiang Mai, Thailand, I visited an international church during the Advent season. Although the graceful palm trees, deep pink bougainvilleas, and warm, if not hot, temperatures challenged my expectations of the backdrop necessary for Christmas, the story I heard that day was the very essence of the true meaning of Christmas. It was shared by a guest preacher, a missionary working among Thailand’s tribal peoples.

Shortly beforehand, the missionary had traveled to a remote district to visit contacts that had been made in earlier trips there. This time, his young son—perhaps three or four years old—had accompanied him. Unfortunately, the boy had tripped and fallen as he walked alongside his father, and the resulting cut on his face was deep and required stitches. Although the missionary quickly located a primitive medical clinic, no anesthesia was available there—only the suturing materials. Despite the awful pain he knew would be inflicted on his son, the father agreed to the procedure anyway. Without it, the lad could risk serious infection and be disfigured for life.

“Daddy! Daddy!” the little boy shrieked in pain and terror as the clinician somehow managed to stitch the wound as his father pressed his muscular torso across the boy’s body to keep him still on the examining table. “Stop! Why are you doing this to me?”

How could the father possibly explain to him so he could understand that it was out of his love for his firstborn that he was allowing the pain—even participating in it? He couldn’t. Instead, his sobs shook his bulky frame and his tears wet the boy’s soft skin beneath him.

“Oh, my son, my son,” the missionary exhaled a word with each sob.

“If you only knew how much I love you. If you could only understand that I am holding you now in love, even allowing this pain because I love you. You simply can’t understand, my beloved boy. But know this: I’ll not leave you alone in your pain,” he repeated again and again in his heart.

Even the sound of his father’s voice, intended to soothe, only seemed to antagonize the boy—when he could hear it over his wailing. “If you love me, if you care, why don’t you stop?” the screams seemed to accuse. “You could stop this all in an instant.”

So the father, out of boundless, matchless, incomprehensible, even unrequited love, silently enveloped the writhing, agonizing body of his toddler until the horrific time finally passed. It was a big chance he took on the outcome—not whether the outward scar would heal, but whether the far more painful, costly, and dangerous scars to the heart would ever mend. He couldn’t help but wonder; still his faith was even stronger than this doubt that the boy would emerge knowing, without question, the truth of the father’s never-ending love for him. And on this unshakable truth, the boy would live out all the days of his life as God had ordained each one of them to be.

“The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and they will call him ‘Immanuel’—which means ‘God with us’ (Matthew 1:23, NIV).

May you know the powerful message of Christmas this year: In love, God with us—always, forever, no matter what.

Arguing with God

Hanajima-san, our Japanese mother

“I have to tell you that I’ve been doing a lot of arguing with God,” kimono-clad Hanajima-san told me at the airport on Tuesday. Although mostly confined to a wheelchair, she was insistent that her son drive her husband and her to the airport so that she could see us off to the United States for our consultations at M. D. Anderson Cancer Center.

“What have you been arguing with God about?” I asked, chuckling at the image of this diminutive Japanese woman shaking her fist at God.

“About you,” she answered immediately. “I just don’t understand why my prayers for you aren’t being answered and why you have to suffer so much.”

Although I assured her that I’m not suffering, just extremely fatigued, and reminded her that whatever God allows, he allows from a heart of love for his children, this faithful Christian woman for more than 50 years wore skepticism on her face as if it were the white powdery makeup Japanese are most fond of wearing.

Perhaps this woman I call my Japanese mother will have more words with God after she gets this update:

1)Surgery is no longer an option because my cancer is now in a progressive state. A cancerous tumor (though small) is now evident on my remaining right kidney;
2)Three drug therapies that have shown the most promise with renal cell carcinoma (RCC) have failed for me in the past year, leaving fewer and fewer treatment options. Dr. Tannir, my main oncologist, now recommends an experimental combination of two cancer drugs (one oral and one administered by IV) that have shown some success (10%) in controlling and shrinking RCC. Two of his patients have even gone into remission with this combo chemo treatment. A two-month regimen will be enough time to determine whether this works for me; and,
3)Bernie and I have decided that I will remain in the U.S. for this two-month period and the follow-up checks at M. D. Anderson in early January. I will take treatment in Anderson and stay at my parents’ house while Bernie returns to Japan until Christmas.

Needless to say, we need your prayers now as much as ever. Pray especially that the new treatment will stop the cancer growth, shrink the tumors, and send the cancer into remission. Secondly, please pray that through all of this, God’s glory will be shown and we will continue to have opportunities to testify to his love, mercy, and power both in Japan and the United States. (We were encouraged that Dr. Tannir continued to affirm our calling as missionaries in Japan.)

By the way, as uncharacteristic as it seems for me—one who has never been reticent about arguing what I think is a valid point—I am not arguing with God. Disappointed with the news? Of course I am. But I cling to God’s words of promise written in Jeremiah 29:11: “For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” They were true before this visit to M. D. Anderson and they are true today as well.

New Every Morning

Tamagawa Church of God, where we serve as interim pastors

God’s faithfulness . . .
“Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, ‘The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him’” (Lamentations 3:22-24, NIV).

We dedicate this newsletter to praising God for his faithfulness. While we cannot even begin to enumerate all the ways we see God’s faithfulness—indeed, every new morning brings testimony to our faithful God—we want to share three places where we have most experienced this during the past month.

. . . At Tamagawa Seigakuin
September was an exciting and busy month of celebrating God’s faithfulness for 60 years at Tamagawa Seigakuin, the girls’ junior/senior high school where Bernie is headmaster. Since 1950, the school has graduated some 10,450 young women and has developed a wonderful reputation for being not only a school that is strong academically, but more importantly, for being a school that has remained faithful to its Christian mission. Special activities to mark the 60th anniversary included the commissioning of a song by a well-known Japanese-Korean singer/song writer that was featured on a CD of the Tama Sei choir produced by the school. Even more noteworthy about this CD is the fact that the majority of its numbers were composed by second year Tama Sei high school girls as a part of their music classes. (They chose words from the Bible, especially Psalms, and set these to their own musical compositions.)

Other special activities during September included the annual two-day school festival, a kind of homecoming-like event that welcomed well over 6,000 visitors to sample special presentations of Tama Sei’s music (vocal choir, band, hand bell choir, guitar/mandolin club, signing/praise team), sports (including kendo, traditional Japanese fencing with bamboo poles), and many examples of the arts (modern dance, calligraphy, flower arranging, and tea ceremony). Each of the month-long celebratory events was an opportunity to praise God for his faithfulness over 60 years at Tamagawa Seigakuin.

. . . At Tamagawa Church
Just up the street from the school is Tamagawa Church of God, where Bernie and Cheryl are interim pastors. This church began in classrooms of Tamagawa Seigakuin, shortly after the founding of the school. Then, 57 years ago, it moved into its own building at the present location. It was a joy to celebrate God’s faithfulness during these years in a special anniversary worship service. This was combined with honoring the congregation’s senior members in a “Silver Day” observance the day before a national holiday to recognize the same. (“Silvers,” as they are called in Japan, comprise a significant part of Japan’s population. In 2009, more than 22% of the population was at least 65 years old. Estimates are that 25% of the population will be “silver” by 2014.)

. . . In our personal lives
What a roller coaster we are riding on this cancer journey! In our last newsletter, we reported from a “high,” praising God for his faithfulness as Cheryl’s health was the best it had been in a long time. This month we are still praising God for his faithfulness, but we seem to be on the “down” side of the roller coaster. The stomach-wrenching feelings are all too real and, frankly, not particularly welcome.

In early September, after fatigue suddenly returned (accompanied by low grade fever, pain, and coughing), we decided to request a CT scan in Japan to help determine whether we should return to M.D. Anderson Cancer Center earlier than our scheduled November appointments. Scan results on October 5 did indeed support a change in plans. The main tumor is growing, albeit slowly, and there are now suspicious spots on her right kidney and liver that could be cancer metastasis, although the doctor only questioned this possibility. As a result, we will be traveling to Houston on October 19 and have tests and consultations on October 20-21. Needless to say, we ask your prayers for wisdom for the doctors and for us. Of course, we also continue to pray for complete healing for Cheryl.

Despite CT scan results that were less than favorable, we affirm what Cheryl wrote in early September as she looked back on one year since her cancer had recurred:

God is worthy of praise. Always. Forever. No matter what CT scans and blood tests show and doctors proclaim. No matter how I feel. No matter what. None of these change or challenge the always faithful, always powerful, always in control God. So I join the Old Testament prophet Habakkuk to proclaim, “Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior” (3:17-18).

Thank you for joining us in praying AND in praising our faithful God,