Singing in the Darkness

One of the things we miss most about our life in Tokyo is songbirds. Oh, there are some birds of a crow variety that remind us of Alfred Hitchcock’s story Birds. But their voices are raspy and threatening, and these vulture-like creatures will attack anything—including people—if they’re provoked.

The hillside behind our house in Kobe was a different scene entirely. There a choir of the most exquisite and talented singers I’ve ever heard serenaded us regularly, filling our spirits with peace and gladness. As I said, we do miss the songbirds in Tokyo.

Needless to say, we’ve been pleasantly surprised at the birds here in Anderson. Bernie has purchased a bird feeder and seeds to coax them closer to our dining room window, and they’ve come—first a cardinal couple, a variety of titmouses and sparrows, and others we’ve not yet identified. We’re waiting for hummingbirds to discover the nectar and feeder Bernie added to our window bird sanctuary, but so far, none have come our way. Nevertheless, the song of the birds is a true gift from God to us.

Maybe it’s a cultural difference, but for some reason, the crows in Tokyo don’t sing until the new day begins dawning. Here in Anderson, I realized one morning that the birds were singing even in the early morning darkness. I’d awakened early and was surprised to hear the choir warming up already. It wasn’t long before God used the birds’ chorus to encourage and challenge me.

The news from the doctor wasn’t very good. Blood and test results showed new cancer activity, disappointing news to have to digest yet again. I felt a huge sigh escape from my lips as I began to think about the implications of what he was saying. Naturally, I wished the news were different.

But I was different in the morning. Starting a new day in the darkness once again (I do not like daylight savings time), I heard the songbirds. Suddenly I was reminded, “The birds are singing in the darkness.” As new images flooded my mind, I thought about how darkness represents the negative while light represents hope and life. Sometimes our circumstances are difficult and dark, but they shouldn’t be allowed to dictate negative responses. We can choose how we respond and whether or not we’ll sing in the darkness. My recommendation? Sing in the darkness.

Paul and Silas did (Acts 16). The prison doors flew open, their chains fell loose, and they were free—all because they chose to sing in the darkness.

The birds have made that choice. I have, too.

Coming Full Circle

My parents, Bernie and me

“…for I know that through your prayers and the help given by the Spirit of Jesus Christ, what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance” (Philippians 1:19).

The foremost missionary ever, Paul was talking about his being a prisoner for Christ. That is “what has happened to me.” In my case, what has happened to me is cancer.

Paul goes on in verses 20-21: “I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.”

Hallelujah! No matter what happens to me physically (though I always pray for healing), I do desire that my life and my death will indeed glorify you, Heavenly Father. A life of meaning, a life of faithfulness, a life of influence and witness for the sake of the Kingdom. This is how I’ve always wanted to live, Lord God. Thank you for giving me the courage need to do so. Thank you also that when I’ve failed, you’ve always accepted, loved me anyway, and forgiven and purified me according to 1 John 1:9.

But what of the deliverance mentioned in verse 19 above? Surely getting cancer isn’t deliverance—except deliverance into the hands of pain and suffering. Surely this isn’t a truism. Yet it is! As I was challenged to think about the other day in my conversation with my mentor and friend, Ann, the closing of doors is opportunity for new doors to open that wouldn’t be possible otherwise. What doors have been opened for me as I’ve been delivered from a very busy—much too busy—schedule because of cancer?

Doors of discovery. How many lessons you’ve taught me, Father, in these two years since my kidney was removed in April 2009. Among the most important are lessons related to patience and finding my value in being with you rather than in doing for you. Doing, I’ve discovered, was where I was finding my value and identity, despite the fact that Scripture clearly teaches that these are found in you alone.

As for the discovery of patience, though it is tested regularly through cancer, I’ve discovered I really am becoming much more patient person—something I’ve prayed about forever (it seems). I’ve been eager for the Fruit of the Holy Spirit (among these, patience) to grow in my life. Maybe, in your infinite wisdom, Lord, you knew that the only way this would develop into the desired plump and delicious fruit would be through cancer and all the related trials, especially when we’ve had to wait so long for many of our prayers to be answered. But praise God! You are answering these prayers, one after another, in your perfect timing.

And what of Paul’s assertion that, “For me to live is Christ and to die is gain,” in verse 22 above? Actually, reading this was a little hard for me this morning, especially as Paul continues n verses 22-23: “If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far . . . .”

I do desire Christ; I do desire to have fruitful labor for God. I do agree wholeheartedly with these words. But to desire to depart this body in order to be with Christ? Honestly, I shout out a resounding NO!. “Yet not my will, but yours be done,” Jesus prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane. I, too, will yield to your perfect will, Lord God—and it is perfect according to Jeremiah 29:11. But, in the meantime—before that perfect will opens new doors of opportunity—I desire to stay right here in this body, weak as it is (though I praise you for the strength you give me daily, Lord). I want to be here for others, as Paul expressed so eloquently. I want to be here in this body in order to see others come to Christ and grow in him to be like Jesus.

But I also want to be here for my family. Today is my mother’s 87th birthday. What a tremendous influence for good she’s had over the years. I’ve not always been a gracious and grateful recipient of her many lessons. (Often I’ts been years later that I’ve come to understand the value of all she’s taught me by word and example.) But I also want to be here for Bernie, Benjamin, Stephanie, Donald, Little Ben, Hosanna, and my yet unborn third grandchild who whom I will meet later this year. I want to see the three little ones grow up to be people of God. Just as others have influenced me over the years, I pray for many more opportunities to influence my grandchildren, to laugh with them and to enjoy and share in their lives. I pray for the building of many more memories. No, I am not yet ready to depart.

Still, this I know with confidence: “There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die . . .” (Ecclesiastes 3:1-2).

I praise you because you are the creator of all time, Lord. I worship you this morning with full confidence in YOU—with joy in the knowledge that whatever happens and when, you are in control and that time is in your hands according to your perfect will that desires and carries out what is best for me.

One more lesson of discovery: I don’t have to understand things in order for whatever happens to be the best for me. God is perfectly able to understand. In fact, he does understand because he is the Creator God, all powerful, all knowing—and it is his choice whether or not he explains to me in part or not at all. This is a part of my trusting him and fixing my eyes on what is unseen (God and his perfect plans) rather than only on what is seen (the world I understand around me). How freeing that I don’t have to figure it all out! Thank you, Lord, that I can just relax in you and leave it to and with you. What a peaceful way to live! And to think that “what has happened to me [my cancer] will turn out for my deliverance [has turned out for my deliverance]”, as Paul wrote in the very first verse I read from Philippians this morning.

And here I am having come full circle in my musings this morning. Thank you, Lord, for the journey on which you’ve led me through the Bible and the thoughts you’ve given me as I’ve read. It’s been a fascinating and eye-opening journey, and I’m so grateful—yes, even grateful for my cancer. What gifts you’ve given my, Lord! “Every good and perfect gift comes down from above . . . .” How I praise and thank you.

A Tale of Two Cities

Spring: a time of change--for us and for Tamagawa Seigakuin

(completion of a new third-floor addition)

A new challenge

It was a hot, sticky evening in June 1976 when Bernie and Cheryl Barton accepted the biggest challenge of their lives during a national church convention in Anderson, Indiana, USA. That challenge was to move to Japan as English-teaching missionaries for two years. NEVER could we have imagined that two years would stretch into more than 30—and even more amazingly, a calling that became a lifetime.

The call has never changed; it just gets more challenging at times! This is one of those times. How do we live in two cities, not to mention two countries, at the same time? This is our new challenge since cancer entered the picture in 2009. Cheryl received excellent care in Japan, but when that option was exhausted in 2010, we were permitted to come to the US for advanced treatment. After much prayer, here we are in Anderson. We’re so grateful for this lovely furnished apartment provided by our Living Link supporting churches!

The call remains the same. We’re still missionaries in Japan, but continue working in both places at the unexpected request of Tamagawa Seigakuin girls’ junior/senior high school, where Bernie is headmaster, and Tamagawa Church, where we pastor and mentor Fujiwara-sensei as an associate. It’s not the easiest call to manage, but we’re promised in Philippians 4:13, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

As such, Bernie will be making approximately six short trips to Japan this year to carry out official functions in his continuing capacity of headmaster, things including formal ceremonies, school board meetings, and other assignments until the new headmaster can begin. Please pray for a smooth, timely transition and for our effectiveness in this “tale of two cities.” We are relying on Skype, the Lord, and your prayers to be faithful.

The earthquake

Bernie was to have flown to Japan on March 11 for the first of these scheduled working visits to Japan. Instead, that was the day the country was struck by the most devastating earthquake and tsunami in its history. The death toll currently is around 12,000 people with another 15,000 still missing. More than 150 miles away from the quake center, Tokyo was badly shaken, but things are already mostly back to normal. But the quake did delay Bernie’s return for two days. Additionally, Tama Sei’s graduation and other ceremonies were rescheduled, canceled, and/or scaled back. Pray for Japan’s recovery and that Christians will be active in compassionate service. We rejoice that the Church of God in the US has given $25,000 for relief efforts. We don’t have any congregations in the quake area, but we do have a responsibility to live out Christ’s love there.

Assignments in Indiana Thank God for answered prayers! Not only is Cheryl’s condition stable again, but she’s being able to carry out responsibilities in Indiana now that her pain is under control. Praise God and thank you for your faithful prayers. In addition to her writing, God has opened doors for some volunteer work with our local congregations’ food pantry. Park Place Church is one of the churches that has supported us in Japan almost from day one. Their faithfulness to serving God in many ways is an inspiration to us. We are grateful for this unexpected opportunity to give back to God and the church here in Anderson.

Of course, Cheryl’s main assignment is to get well. We appreciate your sustaining prayers that have seen great improvement in her physically. When M. D. Anderson Cancer Center in Houston said there was little more they could do except admit Cheryl to an experimental drug program that has yet to show much promise, we decided to relocate to Anderson where we’re surrounded by great support, including our local church and family. Nearly daily we’re surprised by the care we’re receiving here—not just medical. Call it heart care, if you will. Thank God for our employer and team leader, Church of God Ministries, and its gracious, loving care. We also thank him—and you—for continuing support to face our new challenge, an unusual calling to be sure.

Prayer points

As you support us through prayer, please pray specifically for:

►a scheduled PET/CT scan on May 4. Pray the tumors will have shrunk—better yet, disappeared—and remember the angel’s words, “With God nothing is impossible!” and, ►strength for Bernie in his next trip to Japan in early May. The travel is extremely tiring and long (more than 24 hours door-to-door). Once he arrives, he has endless speaking assignments. Pray also for wisdom as we endeavor to be faithful to the call.

Sleeping Like a Baby

One of the questions we’re asked frequently by Americans is, “Are you fluent in Japanese?” After living 30-plus years in Japan, I would hope so.

But the truth of the matter is that fluency fluctuates wildly depending upon the subject matter. Those subjects that I know well make me appear to be fluent; others leave me so completely in the dark and so unable to speak, participate, or understand a conversation that I must appear to others to be blind and deaf—certainly not fluent. But I get along well enough. In my own brand of fluency.

Consequently, in coming back to America for this time of medical treatment, I’ll admit I was looking forward to watching television in English. Ah! Kick back and enjoy while understanding without straining. And there were several crime dramas that fascinated me. Although I’ve never watched much TV, I was intending to acclimate back to life in the United States in part through television. Now I know the truth: “enjoy” and “television” are opposite words and should never appear in the same sentence.

One evening I nestled into the recliner and turned on the TV, eager to watch a drama that had been advertised. Although I’d seen only infrequently, I remembered that it wasn’t overly graphic in depicting crime scenes; much was left to the imagination. While enjoying the drama of solving an intriguing crime story, I don’t like blood, guts, and violence, so that was great for me. Only it wasn’t great. I spent the whole hour shivering with tension and dread. I wish I’d turned off the TV. Instead, I watched until the troubling end, following which I headed for bed.

Big mistake. That night I tossed and turned and wrestled, perhaps with the devil himself. It was the worst night I can ever remember. In the morning, I awoke feeling defeated, pessimistic, afraid, worried, and definitely not rested or refreshed mentally or physically, either. I was a prisoner in a dark, deep cloud from which I could not escape, no matter how I tried.

Although I fought it, the negativism continued throughout the day. Mid-afternoon, as I cried out to the Lord for relief from the battle of doubt and pessimism, God reminded me of Paul’s admonition in Philippians 4:8: “Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”

Suddenly it all made sense. These instructions on good living weren’t given just to be restrictive and because God has no sense of adventure and is a stick in the mud. They (and all the mandates and advice in the Bible) were given to protect us for they are the keys to our freedom rather than to our imprisonment.

As I contemplated this quite obvious truth that somehow had never spoken to me quite this way before, I remembered an illustration author Randy Alcorn makes in his excellent little book, The Purity Principle. He describes a winding road that runs dangerously close to the edge of a steep precipice in the mountains. Because of the risk, there are many sturdy guard rails lining the road, especially at the curves. Alcorn depicts a scene where a car collides with the rail and then asks the reader this question: Do you suppose that when the driver gets out to inspect the damage, he curses the guard rail for scraping up the side of his vehicle? No! Instead, as he looks down the mountainside that is littered with other wreckage, he gives thanks to God for the guardrail that saved him from what would have been the same tragic fate.

I’ll not forget Alcorn’s illustration. God’s instructions are wise and intended for our good, and they relate to our whole lives—even the shows we watch on television.

By the way, I’ve been sleeping like a baby recently.

Praising Now and Forever

Praising God in the promise of springtime after a long, hard winter

“Let this be written for a future generation, that a people not yet created may praise the Lord” (Psalm 102:18).

What an amazing thought—God has planned for us to praise him long before we were created or even thought of! That’s how important it is for us to praise God. This is what he desires. (Could it be said he desires this most?). God desires our praises and this is planned into his eternal design. Amazing. It is not so much what we do for God as how faithful we are to be instruments to praise him as he desires.

Praise. That is my assignment for today. Beyond anything on my “to do” list, I am to praise God “[who remains] the same, and [whose] years will never end” (Psalm 102:27). Praising now and forever. It is my mandate. May I ever be faithful is my prayer.

Recipe for Peace

Winter in Anderson, Indiana, our mission headquarters

The key is rejoicing

“Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:4-7).

Early in our missionary life we created a nearly monthly newsletter to connect you with our ministry in Japan through your supportive prayers. Usually we’ve started writing with some Bible verses that are particularly meaningful to us in view of current activities. This month we want to share the Bible’s recipe for peace (above) because we must confess that we’re struggling in the cancer journey and need this reminder ourselves. The key to peace and living victoriously—no matter the circumstances—is rejoicing with thanksgiving. And we have much for which to be thankful.

With thanksgiving
Despite struggling with great fatigue as a result of the cancer treatments, Cheryl was able to meet her first major deadline after turning in the manuscript for Steady Till Sunset, her month-long devotional book. Even as you rejoice with us, pray she’ll be able to meet the next deadline this month so the book can be published on schedule in June.

More encouraging, the doctor seemed reasonably pleased with Cheryl’s condition at her March 3 visit. While she needs a blood transfusion every three weeks or so, her blood condition seems to be fairly stable and her kidney function is good (remember that she is operating with only one kidney). While a follow-up CT scan has not been scheduled yet, it most likely will come within the next two months.

Join us in thanking God for what he is doing even as we present the following requests:

1) That there will be no cancer metastasis found whenever the next CT scan is performed. In fact, please pray that the existing tumors will indeed be stabilized, if not reduced in size;
2) That Cheryl may gain some weight, have a better appetite, and be able to increase muscle strength through walking around a local mall (although sometimes quite slowly) and through other simple exercises; and,
3) That we may follow the “recipe for peace” faithfully in order to overcome not only physically, but also emotionally and spiritually. Sometimes the battle seems agonizing, especially when we forget the rejoicing and thanksgiving!

However grateful we are for answers to prayer, we realize that the recipe for peace is not based upon these answers, but on God himself. How we praise him that he is near and that we can depend upon him! Thank you also that we can depend upon your prayers.

Bernie to Japan
As you pray, please remember Bernie as he travels back to Japan on March 11. His approximate 10-day trip will allow him to be at Tamagawa Seigakuin for senior (March 15) and junior high graduation exercises (March 17). Additionally, while in Japan, he will have many significant meetings with Tamagawa Church’s church board (March 20), the school board (March 16), and the school administration as they look forward to beginning a new fiscal year on April 1.

Needless to say, his schedule is going to be packed full during that quick trip back to Japan. Please pray for his wisdom and strength in important decision-making for the church and the school. Pray also for Cheryl is his absence. We’re so thankful that Cheryl’s sister, Don Deena Johnson, will be able to come from Japan during Bernie’s absence in order to help Cheryl. We would also ask you to pray for Don Deena as she concludes her assignment in Japan on March 31 and returns to the United States. Thank you that we can depend upon your prayers.

Forgot the Carrots?

Look closely for the baby carrots, but mostly see the smiles

of mother, daughter, and grandmother

It was a joy to have a number of family members and some Japanese friends gather in January in Anderson. Somehow I reaped at least a little energy from our grandchildren, Little Ben and Hosanna, that has nourished me since. It was wonderful—except when Hosanna discovered her, “Give me!” voice. High-pitched, insistent, and in only one volume(LOUD), Hosanna’s voice sent me to our bedroom every afternoon for some respite. Also I had to get my ear plugs. It was the only way I could survive.

However one day, I forgot to remove the ear plugs before exiting the bedroom and joining everyone in the main room. Benjamin was the first to notice.

“Coco, why do you have carrots in your ears?” he asked before laughing uproariously at his joke. (He was comparing my ear plugs to the baby carrots with which we kept the refrigerator stocked as a snack food.)

After that, whenever he saw the plugs, he always laughed and asked, “Did you forget your carrots?”

Which is a question the Lord asked me the other day. Well, not exactly. But God did address me clearly—and surely with a smile on his face—“Did you forget me in the midst of everything going on? I’m as close to you as your ear plugs, and you don’t even seem to realize it.”

Yes, I believe that for too many days I’ve forgotten the carrots. They’re as close as “in my ears,” but still I’ve forgotten:

*All the people serving us as the Lord’s hand and feet through providing meals a couple of times a week;

*All those praying faithfully for us and believing in God’s miracles as together we walk this cancer journey;

*That God never changes, no matter what medical tests discover; and,

*That He is always worthy of my praise.

Open my eyes once again, Lord, that I may see you and experience you afresh in this day. Thank you for reminding me about the carrots.

The Battle Is Not Yours

Bernie returned to the U.S. from Japan on Christmas Day.

Both of us are in Indiana currently.

Words of encouragement, uplifting
“Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God’s . . . . You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the Lord will give you. . . . Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out and face them tomorrow, and the Lord will be with you” (2 Chronicles 20:15, 17, NIV).

Health updates
Celebrate!
1) The results of an MRI of the brain were clear. Renal cell carcinoma often metastasizes to the brain, so we were pleased with the results.
2) We finished 20 radiation treatments on February 8 and with minimal side effects, for which we thank God.
3) Apparently the radiation will continue effecting my body (positively, we hope) for the next up-to-six months. Please pray that these will happen: a stoppage in the growth of the tumor and/or the disappearance of the tumor. God is not finished with Cheryl’s renal cell carcinoma yet. Thank you for being a part of our prayer team to what God deliver us from fear, discouragement, and other significant challenges along the way.
4) Getting to spend time here in Anderson, Indiana, with family members is a bonus;
5) And, we’ve seen some obvious improvement in strength in my Cheryl’s balance, etc. But she’s still struggling with being able to speak and write logically and clearly, so every task accomplished is a time to celebrate.

Even more to celebrate
Let us be watch and see what the Lord is going to do!
1) “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea” (Psalm 46:1)
2) “The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you. He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing” (Zephaniah 3:17).

Yet more to celebrate—YOU!
Thank you for praying with us and walking the cancer journey with us to see the miracles God has in store for all of us.

The Stray Notebook

“Jesus is always with you, always Jesus is with you.”

The words were printed in a child’s script and encased within the skeletal body of a fish—a large, hand-drawn fish swimming across the page of notebook paper. Perhaps this was the whale that had swallowed Jonah in the Old Testament?

In any case, that was the scene I imagined when I read the words, “Always Jesus is with you.” And I added the thought: even if you happened to find yourself in the belly of a whale. What encouragement it must have been to a cold, wet, smelly, reprimanded Jonah who was intent on running away from God and his perfect plan for Jonah’s life. What an encouragement to me as well, waking up groggily after a night that was less than satisfactory: I was not alone. It was the message I most needed.

Who had left my cheery reminder to greet me that morning? To my surprise, as I looked through the orange notebook, I realized that what I’d found while looking for some scrap paper was more than 30 years old. Even more interesting, it had belonged to my sister-in-law. (It had been a university physics class notebook for her.) A little girl named Tabitha had found it in one of the apartments missionaries share when they are visiting their supporting churches across the United States, and it had become hers for doodling, drawing, and otherwise reminding herself of life’s important lessons. Tabitha didn’t quote the Bible word for word, but the message from the Lord was indeed the same: “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.’ So we say with confidence, ‘The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid’” (Hebrews 12:5-6, NIV).

It is the message I need every day as I move through three-to-four weeks of daily radiation treatments (Monday to Friday) and continue traveling the cancer journey. I am being supported by the Lord as he works through a stray notebook, friends, family, and many people I don’t even know to bring me encouragement and the reminder that Jesus is always with me.

Obviously children can grasp and believe this vital message without difficulty. My prayer is that I, too, may have the innocent heart of a child to believe that God is walking with me and guiding me, and that he will never leave or abandon me, no matter where he leads. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

The Battle Is Not Yours

Bernie and Cheryl (front row, far left)

and most of the rest of their family, January 2011:

more Bartons, Johnsons, and especially Little Ben and Hosanna Lyngdoh.

Words of encouragement, uplifting
“Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God’s . . . . You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the Lord will give you. . . . Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out and face them tomorrow, and the Lord will be with you” (2 Chronicles 20:15, 17, NIV).

Health updates
We apologize for the long silence between this newsletter and the last one (December 2010). Much has been happening in these couple of months, although we’ve not managed to keep you updated on the cancer journey that has occupied so much of our time, prayers, and energy. Among these:

►Bernie spent November and December in Japan, successfully completing many different assignments at Tamagawa Seigakuin and Tamagawa Church, both in Tokyo. Additionally, he had the joy of baptizing a new Christian sister, Mizutani-san, at Tarumi Church, in Kobe. He arrived back in the States on Christmas Day—a wonderful Christmas gift for Cheryl after their two months’ separation;

►Bernie and Cheryl celebrated their 35th wedding anniversary on January 10. Also, it was a joy to join Little Ben in celebrating his third birthday, January 30, since Donald and Stephanie Lyngdoh, our daughter and son-in-law, were granted some time off from their work to spend with Bernie and Cheryl in Anderson. What a blessing for us! We’re also grateful for other family visits, including Big Ben’s, for one week;

►We’ve completed 10 radiation sessions in Anderson to try to arrest the growth of the tumor. (Note that in November we made the somewhat difficult decision to stop medical care at M. D. Anderson Cancer Center in Houston, Texas, in order to seek further treatment here in Anderson where our mission offices are located and family is nearby). We continue to look to the Lord for his miraculous intervention in Cheryl’s physical body through radiation and other cancer treatments, some of which are experimental; and,

►We’re anticipating another round of CT scans and other tests at the end of January and early February. We are trusting God’s goodness and know that the path he chooses is always the right and loving one. Please pray with us that we will see miracles.

In the midst of sometimes feeling overwhelmed by the size of “this vast army” that faces us (cancer), there is so much for which to be grateful. Among other things, pain levels are being managed better and better and that is resulting in many more “good” days than otherwise. This is a major answer to prayer. However, the road ahead is still long and the battle still arduous. Please pray for us to remember that the battle is not ours, but the Lord’s. Pray that we will be able to keep our eyes upon the Lord as we journey.

Looking ahead on the journey
Here are some specific ways you can pray with and for us on the journey:

►Bernie and Cheryl had expected to return to Japan by the end of January, but this has been postponed, creating some challenges for Tamagawa Seigakuin and Tamagawa Church, not to mention our associate pastor, Fujiwara-sensei. Please pray for all of these to be resolved in a timely fashion that will cause the least amount of disruption and concern;

►Cheryl continues working on two books: Our Hearts Burning, the 15th international testimonies book she has compiled and edited; and Steady Till Sunset, a daily devotional book, the second one she has written to encourage Christians to walk faithfully in their daily lives. Please pray that God will supply the physical needs (especially a clear head in order to think and write) so she can complete these two projects;

►With health questions still “up in the air,” there is so much still that seems to be on hold. Please do pray for us to know the Lord’s guidance as we make decisions about our future.

►Please pray for us to be able to return to Japan as quickly as possible.

Merry Christmas

Several years ago, while on a writing assignment in Chiang Mai, Thailand, I visited an international church during the Advent season. Although the graceful palm trees, deep pink bougainvilleas, and warm, if not hot, temperatures challenged my expectations of the backdrop necessary for Christmas, the story I heard that day was the very essence of the true meaning of Christmas. It was shared by a guest preacher, a missionary working among Thailand’s tribal peoples.

Shortly beforehand, the missionary had traveled to a remote district to visit contacts that had been made in earlier trips there. This time, his young son—perhaps three or four years old—had accompanied him. Unfortunately, the boy had tripped and fallen as he walked alongside his father, and the resulting cut on his face was deep and required stitches. Although the missionary quickly located a primitive medical clinic, no anesthesia was available there—only the suturing materials. Despite the awful pain he knew would be inflicted on his son, the father agreed to the procedure anyway. Without it, the lad could risk serious infection and be disfigured for life.

“Daddy! Daddy!” the little boy shrieked in pain and terror as the clinician somehow managed to stitch the wound as his father pressed his muscular torso across the boy’s body to keep him still on the examining table. “Stop! Why are you doing this to me?”

How could the father possibly explain to him so he could understand that it was out of his love for his firstborn that he was allowing the pain—even participating in it? He couldn’t. Instead, his sobs shook his bulky frame and his tears wet the boy’s soft skin beneath him.

“Oh, my son, my son,” the missionary exhaled a word with each sob.

“If you only knew how much I love you. If you could only understand that I am holding you now in love, even allowing this pain because I love you. You simply can’t understand, my beloved boy. But know this: I’ll not leave you alone in your pain,” he repeated again and again in his heart.

Even the sound of his father’s voice, intended to soothe, only seemed to antagonize the boy—when he could hear it over his wailing. “If you love me, if you care, why don’t you stop?” the screams seemed to accuse. “You could stop this all in an instant.”

So the father, out of boundless, matchless, incomprehensible, even unrequited love, silently enveloped the writhing, agonizing body of his toddler until the horrific time finally passed. It was a big chance he took on the outcome—not whether the outward scar would heal, but whether the far more painful, costly, and dangerous scars to the heart would ever mend. He couldn’t help but wonder; still his faith was even stronger than this doubt that the boy would emerge knowing, without question, the truth of the father’s never-ending love for him. And on this unshakable truth, the boy would live out all the days of his life as God had ordained each one of them to be.

“The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and they will call him ‘Immanuel’—which means ‘God with us’ (Matthew 1:23, NIV).

May you know the powerful message of Christmas this year: In love, God with us—always, forever, no matter what.

Arguing with God

Hanajima-san, our Japanese mother

“I have to tell you that I’ve been doing a lot of arguing with God,” kimono-clad Hanajima-san told me at the airport on Tuesday. Although mostly confined to a wheelchair, she was insistent that her son drive her husband and her to the airport so that she could see us off to the United States for our consultations at M. D. Anderson Cancer Center.

“What have you been arguing with God about?” I asked, chuckling at the image of this diminutive Japanese woman shaking her fist at God.

“About you,” she answered immediately. “I just don’t understand why my prayers for you aren’t being answered and why you have to suffer so much.”

Although I assured her that I’m not suffering, just extremely fatigued, and reminded her that whatever God allows, he allows from a heart of love for his children, this faithful Christian woman for more than 50 years wore skepticism on her face as if it were the white powdery makeup Japanese are most fond of wearing.

Perhaps this woman I call my Japanese mother will have more words with God after she gets this update:

1)Surgery is no longer an option because my cancer is now in a progressive state. A cancerous tumor (though small) is now evident on my remaining right kidney;
2)Three drug therapies that have shown the most promise with renal cell carcinoma (RCC) have failed for me in the past year, leaving fewer and fewer treatment options. Dr. Tannir, my main oncologist, now recommends an experimental combination of two cancer drugs (one oral and one administered by IV) that have shown some success (10%) in controlling and shrinking RCC. Two of his patients have even gone into remission with this combo chemo treatment. A two-month regimen will be enough time to determine whether this works for me; and,
3)Bernie and I have decided that I will remain in the U.S. for this two-month period and the follow-up checks at M. D. Anderson in early January. I will take treatment in Anderson and stay at my parents’ house while Bernie returns to Japan until Christmas.

Needless to say, we need your prayers now as much as ever. Pray especially that the new treatment will stop the cancer growth, shrink the tumors, and send the cancer into remission. Secondly, please pray that through all of this, God’s glory will be shown and we will continue to have opportunities to testify to his love, mercy, and power both in Japan and the United States. (We were encouraged that Dr. Tannir continued to affirm our calling as missionaries in Japan.)

By the way, as uncharacteristic as it seems for me—one who has never been reticent about arguing what I think is a valid point—I am not arguing with God. Disappointed with the news? Of course I am. But I cling to God’s words of promise written in Jeremiah 29:11: “For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” They were true before this visit to M. D. Anderson and they are true today as well.

New Every Morning

Tamagawa Church of God, where we serve as interim pastors

God’s faithfulness . . .
“Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, ‘The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him’” (Lamentations 3:22-24, NIV).

We dedicate this newsletter to praising God for his faithfulness. While we cannot even begin to enumerate all the ways we see God’s faithfulness—indeed, every new morning brings testimony to our faithful God—we want to share three places where we have most experienced this during the past month.

. . . At Tamagawa Seigakuin
September was an exciting and busy month of celebrating God’s faithfulness for 60 years at Tamagawa Seigakuin, the girls’ junior/senior high school where Bernie is headmaster. Since 1950, the school has graduated some 10,450 young women and has developed a wonderful reputation for being not only a school that is strong academically, but more importantly, for being a school that has remained faithful to its Christian mission. Special activities to mark the 60th anniversary included the commissioning of a song by a well-known Japanese-Korean singer/song writer that was featured on a CD of the Tama Sei choir produced by the school. Even more noteworthy about this CD is the fact that the majority of its numbers were composed by second year Tama Sei high school girls as a part of their music classes. (They chose words from the Bible, especially Psalms, and set these to their own musical compositions.)

Other special activities during September included the annual two-day school festival, a kind of homecoming-like event that welcomed well over 6,000 visitors to sample special presentations of Tama Sei’s music (vocal choir, band, hand bell choir, guitar/mandolin club, signing/praise team), sports (including kendo, traditional Japanese fencing with bamboo poles), and many examples of the arts (modern dance, calligraphy, flower arranging, and tea ceremony). Each of the month-long celebratory events was an opportunity to praise God for his faithfulness over 60 years at Tamagawa Seigakuin.

. . . At Tamagawa Church
Just up the street from the school is Tamagawa Church of God, where Bernie and Cheryl are interim pastors. This church began in classrooms of Tamagawa Seigakuin, shortly after the founding of the school. Then, 57 years ago, it moved into its own building at the present location. It was a joy to celebrate God’s faithfulness during these years in a special anniversary worship service. This was combined with honoring the congregation’s senior members in a “Silver Day” observance the day before a national holiday to recognize the same. (“Silvers,” as they are called in Japan, comprise a significant part of Japan’s population. In 2009, more than 22% of the population was at least 65 years old. Estimates are that 25% of the population will be “silver” by 2014.)

. . . In our personal lives
What a roller coaster we are riding on this cancer journey! In our last newsletter, we reported from a “high,” praising God for his faithfulness as Cheryl’s health was the best it had been in a long time. This month we are still praising God for his faithfulness, but we seem to be on the “down” side of the roller coaster. The stomach-wrenching feelings are all too real and, frankly, not particularly welcome.

In early September, after fatigue suddenly returned (accompanied by low grade fever, pain, and coughing), we decided to request a CT scan in Japan to help determine whether we should return to M.D. Anderson Cancer Center earlier than our scheduled November appointments. Scan results on October 5 did indeed support a change in plans. The main tumor is growing, albeit slowly, and there are now suspicious spots on her right kidney and liver that could be cancer metastasis, although the doctor only questioned this possibility. As a result, we will be traveling to Houston on October 19 and have tests and consultations on October 20-21. Needless to say, we ask your prayers for wisdom for the doctors and for us. Of course, we also continue to pray for complete healing for Cheryl.

Despite CT scan results that were less than favorable, we affirm what Cheryl wrote in early September as she looked back on one year since her cancer had recurred:

God is worthy of praise. Always. Forever. No matter what CT scans and blood tests show and doctors proclaim. No matter how I feel. No matter what. None of these change or challenge the always faithful, always powerful, always in control God. So I join the Old Testament prophet Habakkuk to proclaim, “Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior” (3:17-18).

Thank you for joining us in praying AND in praising our faithful God,

Good News

We're smiling, along with our granddaughter, Hosanna.

“He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart” (Isaiah 40:11).

How we sense we are being carried close to the heart of God! Even before we’d sent out all the updates from Cheryl’s CT scan results on October 5, God was answering the prayers we’d requested be lifted up—so much so that we had to update the update and revise the prayer requests along the way.

Here is the good news about how God is already answering prayers:

1) M. D. Anderson moved up our appointments from November to October 20-21;
2) We were able to get airplane reservations for October 19;
3) Without Bernie’s asking, the executive committee of Tamagawa Seigakuin told Bernie that they would cover for him to be gone until November 5, excusing him not only from the day-to-day but also from rushing back for a scheduled trip to Korea during the last week of October;
4) Just this morning, Cheryl was able to get her ticket upgraded to business class with miles, making the long return flight much easier on her physically;
5) A pastor called last night and offered to drive us to the airport on October 19. This means we’ll not have to navigate two-three hours of stairs, trains, changes, and walking with our suitcases from our local station to Narita Airport; and,
6) We have been overwhelmed by the outpouring of e-mails and phone calls (some from people we don’t even know) that assure us of God’s wonderful care for us through his people, the church.

As you continue praying for Cheryl’s healing, please also pray for consultations with the surgeon on October 20 and the kidney oncologist on October 21. Pray especially for their wisdom and ours at this time. While we don’t know whether surgery is still an option or even the best way to respond to the current situation, we feel that we’ve come to the crux time in Cheryl’s treatment. And, if not surgery, how should we proceed from here? We desire most to experience God’s guiding hand in all decisions that will be made.

Of course, we also desire for Cheryl to be able to return to Japan as soon as possible. There is still so much to accomplish in this country that has been our home and mission field for 30+ years. Our prayer is that God is glorified in Japan through us and even through our cancer journey. Thank you for joining us in the battle through your fervent and believing prayers.

The Latest Update on Cheryl

The roller coaster ride continues. Mind you, I’ve never been a fan of roller coasters.

Bernie and I met with the doctor today to hear the results of a CT scan I had on October 1. Considering how I’ve been feeling for the past three weeks or so, I wasn’t surprised with this news:

1) The main tumor continues to grow, albeit slowly;
2) A lesion in the right kidney that has been unchanged for years has grown somewhat;
3) Something has appeared in my liver but the radiologist cannot say what, although metastasis is a possibility; and,
4) My doctor says my cancer is now in a “progressive” situation (which he called serious) and he is urging me to go the States as soon as possible.

As you continue to pray for my healing, here are a few other specific prayer requests:

1) That M.D. Anderson Cancer Clinic will be willing to move up my scheduled appointments from November 8-10 to sometime in the next two weeks;
2) That we will be able to make all the necessary arrangements to enable us to go quickly;
3) That our going will not cause great trouble for those who will have to cover for us at Tamagawa Seigakuin, Tamagawa Church, and in other areas of our responsibilities here in Japan; and,
4) That the doctors will have wisdom in knowing what course of treatment should be followed at this point.

Despite CT scan results that were less than favorable, we affirm what I wrote one month ago as I looked back on one year since my cancer had recurred:

God is worthy of praise. Always. Forever. No matter what CT scans and blood tests show and doctors proclaim. No matter how I feel. No matter what. None of these change or challenge the always faithful, always powerful, always in control God. So I join the Old Testament prophet Habakkuk to proclaim, “Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior” (3:17-18).

Please join us in praying AND in praising our faithful God.

End of September Thoughts

Bernie and Mike sing at Tamagawa Seigakuin's 2010 school festival.

September used to be one of my favorite months. Notice the past tense.

When I was a child, September meant the start of school. Not that I was eager for the summer holidays to end, but I did look forward to some new clothes, a new lunch box, and meeting my friends again for the new school year. September always spelled new and exciting to me, even if year after year our first assignment back was to write, “What I Did during My Summer Vacation.” (Although I didn’t voice it out loud, I did often wonder why teachers couldn’t be more creative in assigning paragraph topics.)

But that was a long time ago. These days I’m starting to think that it might be good just to jump from August right into October—at least if the last two Septembers are indicative of what the month is going to hold for me in the future.

It was early September 2009 that I learned my cancer had recurred. Then while waiting for test results to determine which course of treatment would be recommended, I found myself shadowboxing with fear, an opponent that was definitely present even if I couldn’t see it. In our sparring, I also discovered many opportunities to doubt God and his good plans for my life. I’m grateful that I emerged from that September stronger than ever in my faith, but I did have some scars to show from the battles.

I remember one day in particular. Despite feeling weak physically, I attended the annual school festival at Tamagawa Seigakuin. I’d be there only an hour or two at most, or so I thought. I knew I had a fever that was getting higher, but I couldn’t go home immediately. Complicating matters further, I met an acquaintance who offered to introduce me to a faith healer. Let me say it clearly: the Bible teaches that God is a healing God; it instructs us to ask him for healing; and I believe God can and does heal, even miraculously, even cancer. So there shouldn’t have been any problems.

But when I showed interest in her suggestion, my Christian friend lowered her voice conspiratorially and told me that this faith healer was Buddhist, adding, “But that’s okay. We all believe in the same God.” Do you realize what you’re saying? I wanted to shout out loud in my shock. Instead, I recoiled from her involuntarily as if she had the plague. Although I did accept the faith healer’s calling card from her, I asked Bernie to burn it later that evening. I felt strongly that I had to get rid of the evil I’d carried into my home. We also prayed together, asking God to put his shield of protection around us. As we did, peace returned to my troubled heart even as my high fever finally broke. Even now, more than a year later, I’m convinced my faith was on trial that day.

And this year? The trial continues, but in more subtle ways. After six relatively “healthy” weeks in which it was sometimes easy to forget that I have cancer, my oasis in the cancer journey has come to an end, at least for the time being. Fatigue has returned and, more recently, pain has become its companion. On top of this, I’m coughing again and running a low grade fever most days. All of this is right on the heels of my writing a victorious blog on September 4 in which I testified about the wonderful lessons God had taught me in the year since my cancer recurred. Those lessons haven’t changed, but it is definitely harder to share them jubilantly when I’m not feeling good and when doubts have begun assailing me once again. The trial is not over.

Needless to say, I’ll be glad to put yet another difficult September behind me and to enter October tomorrow. Of course, I have no way of knowing what October will hold. Yet these words of Paul renew my confidence and restore my hope:

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal” (2 Corinthians 4:16-18).

One Year Later

Bernie and Cheryl, September 4, 2010

September 4, 2009. One year ago today. It was the day a doctor told me he suspected my cancer had returned. He was right.

In looking back over this incredible year, I’m grateful for so much, not the least of which is the fact that I’m much healthier today than then—and that, even though I still battle cancer. I’m also grateful for the lessons God has taught me as we have journeyed these past twelve months. Some, if not most, are lessons yet in progress. (I seem to be a slow learner who requires application after application for a lesson to really be absorbed.) Without any specific order, here are ten I’ve been learning in this past year:

1) Patience. I’d far rather just jump right to healing, but it’s been a year of wait, wait, and wait some more. I’m still waiting. After the cancer recurred, I had to wait a very long three-plus weeks before I could start taking the first anti-cancer medicine. Every two weeks thereafter I waited for the results of tests to show if the drug was being effective. When in March 2010 a CT scan showed that Sutent had stopped working, I had to wait another endless three weeks before the second drug, Afinitor, became available in Japan. What really tested my patience (and faith) was that throughout this wait my body was weakening noticeably. Most recently, I’ve been waiting since May to see whether doctors will set a surgery date as a way that I might become “cancer free.”

“Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord” (Psalm 27:14). Waiting requires patience, which doesn’t come easily to me. Perhaps this is why I’m being given so many opportunities to learn this lesson.

2) God is worthy of praise. Always. Forever. No matter what CT scans and blood tests show and doctors proclaim. No matter how I feel. No matter what. None of these change or challenge the always faithful, always powerful, always in control God. I join the Old Testament prophet Habakkuk to proclaim, “Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior” (3:17-18).

3) My trust is in God. It is not in percentages: the efficacy rate of a certain drug, the chances that surgery will get all of the cancer, survival rates for renal cell carcinoma, and more. My trust is in God, my Father, whose word never fails because he is “the same yesterday, today, and forever” (Hebrews 13:8).

“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear . . . . Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth” (Psalm 46:1, 2, 10).

4) And a related lesson: doctors don’t know everything. Even their guesses—educated though they may be—are only guesses. Will this particular medicine work? What treatment is best? Should they perform surgery? How about radiation? How long will I live? Only God knows. I am so happy that my trust is in him.

5) My husband stands beside me “for better, for worse, in sickness, in health.” Never have my wedding vows been so meaningful; never has Bernie’s love been so real. I don’t have cancer—we have cancer. We travel the journey and fight the battle together.

6) The family of God is truly amazing. “Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint” (Isaiah 40:30-31). How often during this year Bernie has commented that it is the prayers of the family of God around the world that provide the updraft for the eagle to soar. A prayer partner in Missouri said it a different way when she wrote, “When you can’t pray, remember that we’re praying for you.”

7) The cancer journey shouldn’t be walked alone. It’s a journey for the whole family—both one’s blood family and the wider family of God too. Why would anyone choose to go inward, silently bearing the burden while trying to keep a stiff upper lip and a smile on the face? Why would anyone choose to walk alone? It happens often in Japan where people are so private about personal matters. Solo journeys may be adventuresome and break Guinness world records, but the cancer walk should not be attempted alone.

8) God’s Word is powerful and full of promise and hope. It is the way God has spoken to me most often this year. I have been renewed, strengthened, comforted, challenged, nourished, and sometimes chastised. Jesus quoted the Old Testament in Matthew 4:4 when he answered Satan’s temptations: “Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.” Neither do I live by anti-cancer medicines. Far more important is the Word of God—something I’ve “known” my whole life, but never as I have known it this past year.

9) What you don’t know won’t kill you. Cancer kills, of course; a lack of knowledge doesn’t. Therefore, even as I pray for healing, I pray for my doctors (who’ve studied and are knowledgeable, but only to a degree). I’ve chosen not to focus on the cancer itself. Instead, I want to focus on the Lord and on walking with him. “Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things,” Paul wrote in Philippians 4:8. It is good advice for me—the very best.

10) My worth doesn’t stem from what I do. It is based on who I am: God’s beloved child. So many scriptures testify to this fact, yet I confess I’ve often acted like the more productive I am, the worthier I am. If you look at my date book, I’ve not accomplished much during this year. Instead, I’ve been with the Lord in his school of learning and I’ve come out in a much better place and with much greater understanding of God. It’s a far more stable place to be for I stand on a foundation that cannot be moved. It’s a new kind of productivity that I’ve discovered: delighting myself at Jesus’ feet even if I accomplish nothing else during the day. It is enough.

“Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him” (Psalm 37:4-7).

Back in the Harvest Field

August in Japan means neighborhood summer festivals.

The charge
“The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field,” (Matthew 9:37-38, NIV).

We don’t know if these words in Matthew inspired William J. Henry in 1897 to compose the words and music to the song, I Cannot Be Idle: “I cannot be idle for Jesus says, ‘Go and work in my harvest today; And then at the evening when labor is done, whatever is right I will pay.’ Then away to the work I will go and join in the reaping of grain. And back from the harvest with beautiful sheaves, I’ll come with rejoicing again.”

But both Jesus’ charge and the words of this old Church of God hymn are reverberating in our hearts this morning, our first Monday back in Japan after a three-month medical leave of absence. It is good to unpack and settle back into the apartment we’ve lived in for the past seven years. It is even better to be back in the harvest field God first called us to in 1976. Even though we’ve lived in four different Japanese cities since then (Saga, Fukuoka, Kobe, and Tokyo), God’s call on our lives hasn’t changed. We thank him for his grace and call, even as we thank you for your prayers and other support that have enabled us to be obedient to God here in Japan. Please do pray with us that we will see the promise of a plentiful harvest fulfilled.

An update on Cheryl
During our three months in the United States, we visited M. D. Anderson Cancer Center in Houston three different times. Our most recent visit in early August resulted in the good news that Votrient, the drug Cheryl began on June 10, is being effective in the fight against cancer. For the first time since she began taking anti-cancer medications in September 2009, the main tumor in the cavity where the left kidney was is dying on the inside. We had expected the medicine to work by shrinking the tumors. (In fact, the main tumor somehow managed to grow a little, despite what is happening inside.) But God can work any way he decides—and even without our understanding—so we are looking ahead in faith that come November (Cheryl’s next visit to Houston) the situation will be even better. Could it be the doctors will discover that the main tumor is dead and there is no evidence of any of the smaller tumors that are now in the abdominal wall? Please pray with us to this end.

By the way, we reported in the last newsletter that Cheryl was experiencing great difficulty in adjusting to Votrient. Praise God that this is no longer her situation. Although she does have some digestive issues and must be careful to conserve her energy, she no longer deals with pain, fevers, and the other more distressing side effects. Praise God for answering prayer and for working in Cheryl’s body through Votrient—something confirmed again by the most recent blood tests which showed all the important numbers rising into the “normal” range. Needless to say, we are rejoicing!

For your further prayers
Now that we’re back in Japan, our focus has shifted from medical treatments to the harvest field. As such, Bernie preached at Tamagawa Church on Sunday following our arrival late Friday, August 20. We were grateful to discover he’d not forgotten his Japanese during our long time away and for the warm welcome we received (in more ways than one). Not only were temperatures nearing 100 degrees that morning (we are SO grateful for air conditioning at church and in our apartment), but the typically reserved Japanese congregants were outspoken and demonstrative in their joy at our return. Please pray for us as we continue to pastor Tamagawa Church and mentor our associate, Fujiwara-sensei, until she is ordained and can lead the church herself.

The next day—today—Bernie was in his office at Tamagawa Seigakuin. September promises to be both exciting and busy for the school as it celebrates its 60th anniversary through a number of special activities. Pray with us that these will bring glory to God and serve as a great testimony of his love to all who participate, including the as many as 6,500 visitors who will attend the annual school festival on September 18 and 20.

We also look forward to resuming our monthly home meeting, Praise Time, on September 13. We understand a new woman will join the group that day. She has recently been diagnosed with lung and brain cancer. Please pray that Cheryl’s own cancer journey will be a witness of hope for her and lead her to accept the only true and lasting source of all hope, Jesus Christ.

Finally, please pray for Will and Mandy Johnson, our newest staff members in Japan. They too arrived on August 20. Pray for their transition to life in Japan, their teaching assignments at Tamagawa Seigakuin, and their service at Tamagawa Church.

Not a Chance Encounter

Emma. I met her poolside, overlooking the beautiful ocean of Mexico’s Cozumel resort island where we were vacationing. We were unlikely conversation partners: she, in her mid-twenties, on her honeymoon, and holding a can of beer in her right hand while occasionally drawing in from the cigarette in her left; me, enjoying the solitude and quiet of the sinking sun whose pink, red, and orange hues were gradually transforming the western sky into an exquisite palette of breathtaking beauty.

Actually, I wasn’t in the mood for talking with anyone, especially one so obviously “different” from myself. Only a short time earlier, I’d given into the tears that had threatened all day. It was the last day of our vacation, but more than that, it was only one week before we were to return to Japan. (It’s always hard to say good-bye, no matter how many times we do it since returning to Tokyo means facing a lifestyle and locality I’ve never yet in seven years grown to appreciate. The transition never comes easily.)

I’d been ignoring the reality of the passing days and what was coming, but with only a week remaining, I couldn’t pretend time didn’t matter any longer. So the tears had come, first only a couple escaping down my cheeks, and then suddenly a torrent was shaking my shoulders. Bernie sat with me on the couch, delaying his snorkeling to stay with me until the flood subsided. Shortly, I made my way outside to be comforted by the approaching sunset.

Alone and drinking in the peacefulness of the landscape, I was reminding myself to hold it close to my heart so that I will be able to conjure up the comforting memory when I feel irritated by 27 million people soon crowding me unmercifully in Tokyo. And here came Emma.

“Buenas noches,” she greeted me cheerfully. I smiled and responded, “Hi,” in English, signaling that I wasn’t Mexican and couldn’t converse with her in Spanish. Apparently she couldn’t have gone much further herself because she breathed a sigh of relief and immediately switched into English. Sitting down on the edge of the elevated pool area, she struck up a conversation. One topic led to another and before long I was answering an oft-repeated question when someone discovers we’ve lived in Japan for 30-plus years.

“Wow! That’s a long time,” Emma marveled at our tenure, telling me that she was only 26 years old herself. “You must have been really young when you went. Wasn’t that scary?”

“When you’re young, you never imagine there’s something you can’t do,” I replied with a laugh, even as a voice inside told me not to miss this opportunity to share the real reason we went to Japan. It wasn’t just that we were young—I was 21 and Bernie 22—and looking for adventure; the main reason was God’s call upon our lives.

“Actually, we’re Christian missionaries,” I told Emma. “That’s why we went to Japan and that’s why we’ve stayed so long.”

As I expected, there was a momentary pause in the conversation as if Emma was wondering what she’d gotten herself into and evaluating whether she wanted to go any further. To my surprise, she proceeded to tell me that she is an agnostic who wonders whether atheists just might be right about the non-existence of God. Nevertheless, she is very curious about religion and has her own repertoire of religious experiences, including infant baptism in the Lutheran church and rebaptism in a Pentecostal church as a teenager.

What in the world can I say that will make any difference to Emma? I prayed silently as we conversed. In the end, I shared with my new friend that knowing God is not about religion, but about relationship. I urged her to continue keeping her ears open because God so desires an intimate relationship that he is pursing her, even through our talk. I also thanked her for our conversation after she thanked me for not judging her.

“It was a gift to me,” I assured her. Noting the quizzical expression on her face, I added, “It’s been a tough day, but the God I believe in and trust just used you to encourage me.”

Whether or not Emma can understand, I have no doubt that this was not a chance encounter. Through a confused agnostic, God reminded me of his desire to use me as his hands, feet, listening ears, and heart—even in Mexico. And most especially in Japan.

You've Got to be Kidding!

Bernie and Cheryl, grateful for times with our grandchildren

“You’ve got to be kidding!” That’s the first thought that crossed my mind when I stepped on the scales at the doctor’s office and discovered I’d lost another two-and-a-half pounds since my previous visit two weeks earlier. I wasn’t happy with the news. In fact, my shoulders sagged with discouragement and tears welled up in my eyes—a really amazing reaction, considering that I’ve counted calories and worried about my weight all of my adult life.

Despite great diligence on my part, weight has always hounded me like ants drawn to the sticky sweetness left on a picnic table after a mid-summer watermelon feed. Born with a sweet tooth, I’ve been especially susceptible to chocolate, a delectable delight that has always lured me like a siren’s song. In fact, I’ve often quipped that I’d have to die in order to lose weight. That joke doesn’t seem so funny anymore—too close for comfort, I’m sure.

And besides, I’m quite alive and well, thank you very much. But, without much appetite and battling some digestion issues (side effects of the cancer drug I began in June), sometimes even the thought of food is enough to nauseate me. Needless to say, eating has become a chore—necessary, I know, but downright hard, nevertheless. Even ice cream and chocolate no longer have allure for me!

Off the scales, I entered the examination room, had my vitals checked, and then waited for the doctor. That he was only running fifteen minutes behind schedule wasn’t the only surprise I encountered there. Being told that my blood work showed I’m malnourished and that he wanted to prescribe an appetite-stimulating drug was far more shocking than either a mostly-on-time doctor or further weight loss.

“You’ve got to be kidding!” I mumbled to myself, shaking my head in wonder. After all, I am familiar with appetite suppressors, have even tried some—without success, I might add. But appetite stimulants? They are as unknown to me as Russian or Arabic.

All of this is to say that the cancer journey continues to be one of new and unexpected experiences, only some of which I understand and none of which I control. I am reminded of the psalmist’s thoughts:

“Oh Lord, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue, you know it completely, O Lord. You hem me in—behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain” (Psalm 139:1-6).

And I am grateful that it is enough that God knows, even when—especially when—I don’t.